Dykes doing hand work

 
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A few times each year I suffer a loss of queer faith in myself. Old internalized homophobia rises like a tide and I find myself adrift. On such occasions I try to counter (and soothe) my treacherous brain with queer activities and queer media. I read gay books and comics, I listen to made-by-gays and made-gay music, I hold my queer friends close (emotionally, if not physically these days), and I seek out movies with Real Out Lesbians in them. And I also make work about it.

I’ve loved the phrase Dykes Doing Hand Work since it first appeared in my head. I love that both images that hand work/handwork conjure up are factions of my life. And I love the word Dyke. I like knowing, immediately, how it’s meant when it’s said. There is no mistaking a dyke said in love for a dyke said in hate. I like the hardness of it. To me it speaks to the strength I feel as I move, vulnerable, through the world. It speaks to the connection I find with other queer folks who have been hurt and felt their Self in the core of that pain. I identify as a dyke.

I also identify as a Lesbian, because it was the word that I knew that fit when I needed to say it out loud. And I like the word lesbian, I like the collective history it brings up, the shared-ness. It also brings up a lot of connotations that I don’t like or relate to, some that I fully reject. Identifying as a Lesbian has taught me that when you look at a collective history written by people who trampled others in their march to throw off oppression it is often in the voices that were omitted that you have the most to learn. That knowledge has helped me a number of times when the common voice isn’t making sense. I strongly believe that an inclusive definition of lesbian both now AND applied to the scope of our history does nothing but strengthen our community.

I made this piece both to counter and soothe my brain. The message in my favorite phrase reminds me of who I am. And the textile part- the handwork- calms me down. The sweater itself is thrifted- it used to be my work sweater at the print shop. It’s wool, machine knit in Wisconsin. Maya gave me the idea to duplicate stitch on an old sweater, and with cold weather approaching I’ve been wanting to alter some of my woolens to feel new/different without buying anything new. As this sweater was one I mostly wore for utility last year it seemed ripe for some fuss. So I found a chart for a knitted alphabet. Then I counted out a grid of stitches for the design and used graph paper to draw it out. I keep a bag of yarn scraps around for moments like these, and I pulled out a few colors that worked well together. Then I taught myself duplicate stitch- I didn’t look it up though, so I am only calling it that because I am guessing it’s the same thing. I sort of regret the stripe of orange at the top of HAND, but it also reminds me 70’s sweaters where there was always like… one thing off. And this sweater definitely has a 70’s vibe going. The finished piece is both armor and spell.

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Grace Rother