Social Media Boundaries

Like everyone else I know I recently watched The Social Dilemma and immediately wanted to throw my phone in the river (except please don’t throw things in the river). The movie reiterated for me a need for real boundaries- both with social media itself and with how I interact with the folks on it. I also realized it was time to write out these boundaries and be firm about them, not just hold them in the back of my mind to ignore at will. These are the things that have worked for me (when I practice them). I can’t promise they’ll be right for anyone else- the number one thing I try to remember about social media is that EVERYONE does it differently- but maybe they’ll be a helpful jumping off point for someone. In no particular order:

  1. IG is the only social media app I use. Until recently I had a private account and a public account, using one for personal moments to share with distant friends and fam and the other as a “breathing portfolio” (Tavi’s words)- a place where I talk about my work and make work related announcements and connect with other artists/makers. After watching TSD I re-evaluated the need for a personal account and decided to delete it. (2021 update: I decided to get off of IG entirely early on in the year. I had long term plans to do so eventually, but after taking a few bigger breaks at the end of 2020 I just didn’t want to get back into it. It was an adjustment, but turned out to be an incredible thing for my brain and my happiness and just…life in general. The closest thing I can compare it to is quitting smoking. As of June my account is “active” again, but only as a link to my work and for gathering folks for collective projects. I am not active on it.)

  2. I have never had notifications turned on for anything other than calls and texts (and I keep my phone on do not disturb most of the time anyway).

  3. I am really picky about who I follow. I know that if I keep the number below 300 then my feed is actually pretty concise and the feeling of endless content goes away. Some months ago I went through and unfollowed most of the brands, influencers, meme accounts, and “news” sources I had been following. I also unfollowed a lot of strangers. I unfollowed almost 600 accounts in total. This sounds kind of harsh- unfollowing anyone feels harsh- but I realized I had started following a lot of people because I liked one thing they had posted and then I was consuming regular information about their personal lives without even knowing their real name. That is weird to me! (Also- it’s messy! When I made my private account I unfollowed a lot of my friends with my public account because I didn’t want double content (this was right before muting was rolled out). In deleting my private account I am now not following a lot of the people who I actually know well and care about. HOWEVER with some introspection I’ve realized that seeing IG posts doesn’t make me miss anyone less or feel closer to anyone. So deleting that account goes hand in hand with reaching out to friends more in other ways.)

  4. I muted everyone’s story. Since their introduction stories have been a real time-suck for me, and they are also where I was consuming the most ads and sponsored posts. I am super wary of non-consensual advertisement (I grew up without television for the most part so it feels weird and invasive to me- any time an ad rolls by I hear my dad’s voice in my head saying “Thank you for consuming!” which is annoying as hell but also helpful). I still occasionally click on folk’s stories from the feed or DMs, but I close them out when they end so I don’t see the ad that follows.

  5. IG does not have a lot of solid options for boundaries. The implied availability of ME to others is really overwhelming- I want to be kind and helpful and generous, but the deluge of questions and demands in DMs is beyond what I can handle. So I have made use of one of IG’s rare boundaries and set it so that only people I follow can respond to my stories. This has cut down on DMs by about… 98%. When I initiate an outlet for communication (listing a quilt for sale or hosting a project like the quilting bee) I direct all communication to my email instead of DMs. I don’t have IG on my computer and I don’t have email on my phone, so there is a clear break for me between the two- and I only check my email when I am “working”.

  6. I’ve had a limit on my IG time for a while now, but I have begun to reinforce it by logging out of the app when the timer goes off. My timer is set for half an hour. To keep from logging back in (because the addiction is real) Tavi is one who knows my password. Honestly, just having to verbalize to someone else that I want to get back onto IG is often enough to deter me. I usually log in in the morning while I have coffee. And then again for a short while in the evening- usually the span of one 15 minute timer extension ;) Sometimes I fuck up and I spend 4 hours on IG and I don’t beat myself up for it, because just being on there that long makes my brain feel bad enough already. On days when I really feel drawn to the app I delete it entirely. When we go to the beach or out in nature I delete it. When I am taking a specific amount of time away from the app I delete it. When a huge political thing or social thing or environmental thing happens I delete it. On days when I am more depressed or anxious I delete it. More and more when we meet up with friends I delete it. It is not something that makes any of the above things better.

 
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That’s it ;)

Grace Rother